If you're American, soccer probably isn't your cuppa tea. But, due to ESPN's admirably relentless promotion (they'll be unleashing their three Big B's: Bob Ley, Bill Simmons and Bono), you're probably at least a little curious about the World Cup, if you're a sports fan anyway. But when it comes to going the extra mile and actually learning about all the teams, perhaps that sounds like something for which you can't be bothered. I'm here to help.
What follows is a list of every one of the World Cup's 32 teams, alongside the American sports team it most parallels. Some of these analogies are slightly better than tenuous. Some of them are dead-on. All of them are at least a decent starting point to give you a frame of reference.